Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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