Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize