she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
