She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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