I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
