I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
