Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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