there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
