Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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