i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
