When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
