How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
