These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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