No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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