The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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