so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
