i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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