it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
