his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
