i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
