I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
