dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's official drugs can't kill me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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