You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
