He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
