wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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