I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
