New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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