So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
