I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
