I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
