Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
