if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
