By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
