i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
