Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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