I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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