Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
