I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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