I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize