And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
