So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
