so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
