I could make wine with my vomit
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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