Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
