Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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