I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
