we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
