I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
