Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
