That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
