how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
