I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
