After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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