I just saw a hot homeless man
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
