I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
