in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She bit a glass in half.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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