he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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