Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
