I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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