I just threw up on my dentist
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
