He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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