Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
