Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
