Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
