This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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