hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
