just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize