First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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