So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
