you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
two words...techno handjob
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
