Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
