I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm like, not good at living.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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