so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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