Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
